Greetings victims of boredom,
This title above is the famous quote from Steve Martin, Elvis Costello, Miles Davis, George Carlin, Frank Zappa, or Thelonius Monk depending on what day you look up its origin on Wikipedia. The meaning is pretty clear: don’t talk about music fuckface, just make it. But more people read about music on the internet than actually listen to it, so why not throw my own fedora into the tedious ring of armchair critics spawned in the wake of American Idol’s last 15 seasons? Plus, I’m on a wicked compositional dry spell and the owners pay me hourly to bang on a keyboard ($5.75 with tips). So they’ve agreed to let me try my luck with the QWERTY variety.
Hence, you are witnessing the caesarian-section of the “Temp Love Blog,” or whatever it will be called once the TL mucky-mucks get their focus group data back. So enjoy thumbing through these rants in your work bathroom cubicle stall, shifting noisily enough so your colleagues don’t try the door, but not SO noisily that they know you’re the one pooping.
Let’s kick things off with an SEO-friendly list-icle:
Top Five Songs About Statutory Rape
5) “Teenage Dream” – Katy Perry. Yep. Listen to the chorus. And then think about the fact that it’s on your 3rd graders’ birthday playlist.
4) “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” – The Police. As if rhyming “shake and cough” with “Nabakov” wasn’t bad enough, that diddler Sting used to teach before he became a pop star at the ripe old age of 26.
3) “Seventeen” – Winger. These assholes don’t even try to hide it. That’s what happens when you co-write lyrics with Jerry Sandusky.
These girls are up to no good.
2) “Thank Heaven for Little Girls” – Maurice Chevalier. This song could be seen as innocent if Pepe Le Peu wasn’t singing it.
1) Anything by Steely Dan. No explanation necessary – just look at any photo of these dudes. It’s like picture day at the local chapter of Creepy Van Enthusiasts.
Rejects from Subway’s latest spokesperson casting call.
Needing to shower now,